Sanctuaries For BDSM & Gor RP Victims

[Alrunia Ahn]

Mutual consent- strict line between IC and OOC - You Are Free

It seems that especially younger roleplay beginners often find themselves in scenarious where their line of personal limitations is disrespeced.

Role play means, for us serious roleplayers, to play a role. We are not playing ourselves.
Nobody can Out of Character dictate you, the player.

When ever you feel forced to do something that YOU the player does not want, or have no chance to avoid it to happen, the basic RP rule of Mutual Consent gets broken.

This means not, that, if you disagree with sim rules, you dont have to follow them.
But it means, you are free to leave at any time and mute people that try to dominate your Real Life Personality.

Do not allow this to happen. Say "No", TP away, Mute them, find a sanctuary where mutal consent is part of Sim rules.

 

( not aiming to step toes of -good-  bdsm & gor communities ! I trust, they do exist )

 

[Pie Serendipity]

Yes!

I mean No!

Or do I?

I think?

Or maybe not!

[Ohhnoes]

Indeed, I love me some scenarious.

[Madeline Blackbart]

Wait what? In SL you always have the option to TP away. How does anyone dominate your real life unless you are allowing them to in the first place. RLV is temporary. Log off turn it off. The text...or for that matter even voice that someone says to you can't do anything to you IRL. If people can't see this in the first place it may be time to log of SL. The only time I can see someone really dominating someones RL is if they allowed that person into it either by choice or through psychological manipulation. And if it's manipulation then they have a problem FAR beyond what a simply TP or forum warning can help with. A that point therapy needs to be involved. Just saying.

[Storm Clarence]

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Alrunia Ahn wrote:

 

( not aiming to

step on toes

of -good-  bd

sm

.. )

 

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I would think 'stepping on toes' is what defines good sm roleplay. 

[PrisPain]

I think people are missing the point of the original post.  SL RPers, especially new ones, can get emotionally tied up (no pun  intended) and drawn into abusive and manipulative situations.  Many of us have seen control-freak doms/dommes who are really just abusers.  I think the original poster was just trying to warn people of that and be supportive.  It is easy to say "just walk away" but when someone who is lonely and isolated in RL spend six hours a day at a sim for a month or two, that is easier said than done.

[jwenting]

well said Pris. Especially as those abusive doms tend to pump their victims with statements like "if you turn off rlv and run away you're a looser and you'll never find anyone wanting to play with you again" (with the implied threat that they're somehow capable of blacklisting you for all the community).

[Syo Emerald]

Then they shouldn't roleplay for their own sake. Its one of the basic elements in every roleplaysetting, that all people involved know that it is just a game and that it should be FUN. Nothing destroys a roleplaygroup better than someone who can't draw the line between reality and play.

I'm not an expert in BDSM, but isn't there also safety and consent as basics ground for every action? What about safewords to stop the play and take a step back?

Its work on the "victims" side that has to be done. Often the people they play with don't notice how they feel or know the reallife background to act especially careful.

[Freya Mokusei]

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Syo Emerald wrote:

I'm not an expert in BDSM, but isn't there also safety and consent as basics ground for every action? What about safewords to stop the play and take a step back?

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Not as a solid rule. There are two popular methods for limiting risk during roleplay:-

SSC - or Safe Sane Consensual - is used by some, maybe a majority in SL.

RACK - or Risk Aware Consensual Kink - is used by some others. This one has a little less strictness in terms of safety, though it does typically involve safewords. (I find this one more realistic, 'safe BDSM' is much like 'safe sex' - all you can do is reduce risk, but not eliminate it)

I subscribe to neither; there are still other methodologies, or no method at all - all covered under the umbrella term BDSM. (For those who do take part in such activities, checking which methodology they're expected to play under can be important)

Remember of course that one fo the principles of enjoying roleplay is being able to invest emotionally in the scene - the delight of seeing something you've worked hard at play out brilliantly, or crumble into a mess before your eyes. I think emotions tie in pretty closely with all kinds of roleplay, and it's easy to have your feelings hurt when unexpected things happen - a risk of 'bad times' does exist, and sometimes these issues can be difficult (leading to arguments, drama, break-ups).

I do agree with you though, the Internet is a dangerous place for people who are easily led or weak of heart. It is difficult for anyone - regardless of methodology or labelling - to monitor the health and wellbeing of someone who might be continents away.

In an ideal world, people would realise they're not having fun anymore and either talk about it or just walk away, but not everyone is this knowledgable of their own emotional state. Many people look to SL to 'learn' BDSM in what they believe to be safety, without any knowledge of the risks. Many others can be 'encouraged' to forget the risks in the heat of play.

Sometimes damage gets done even if you're tough (or even if you think you're tough), and I guess some people might find support amongst others.

That said, the OPs proposition isn't for me. Most SL subs are too whiny already.

[Sierra Oskar]

It is really nice to know that there are people out there that gorean and bdsm "victims" can reach out for support. I know both worlds quite well, so I have to say that WE allow others to victimize us or not. Besides in a pixelated world bullies and abusers can not really harm anyone. New people in the specific fields may  need support to raise their awareness as to learn to discern such Dom/mmes within a short period in order to avoid them or at least if they wish to engage in rp with those individuals, to enable them not to invest emotionally in them.

 

p.s. Sorry Syo, the comment was meant for the original OP, I pressed the wrong button, lol!!!

[Syo Emerald]

Ok, I could just apply what I experianced in my roleplaytime so far (which was outside of SL) and I agree, sometimes you don't notice fast enough that something is hurting more than it should. But then again people can get hurt or damaged trough nearly everything. Not just BDSM or RP that goes wrong.

As soon as someone notices that they respond quite sensible its time to take action on their own to protect themselves and take a step back to look objective on a situation.

When it comes to SL I often think its not the best place to get into RP, at least not if someone choses Gor as their startingpoint. I've never seen a roleplayenvironment so full of people who took it too serious or even started with the image in mind that its just a fancy version of BDSM.

[Freya Mokusei]

Totally agree.

Hopefully with this kind of support, people can learn not to fall into the same pitfalls again. I imagine that's what sanctuaries and schools end up teaching, more than anything (I've not been to many, and none that were any good).

Risks and hurt can occur anywhere, that's why support groups exist for a wide variety of subjects. In RL we have healthcare, in SL this all takes place in the mind.

Gor can be a tricky place, though less than 20% of Gorean types are driven by their passion for sexual activity. I think mostly it gets a bad reputation quickly, and for some fairly obvious reasons.

[Awe Thor]

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Freya Mokusei wrote: less than 20% of Gorean types are driven by their passion for sexual activity.

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And the other 80% are women.

[Awe Thor]

I don't know what the fuss is about. If you want to rp a victim just post something in the General Discussion subforum here and then complain about being bullied when someone expresses a negative opinion on your viewpoint.

GD is full of masochists who MUST be pretending to be stupid; surely they couldn't all really be that ignorant?

[MartaMolenda]

anyone here raised the real problem-people with complexes or real-world problems. Trying to find friends in SL - the group is most susceptible to manipulation and rp for them can be dangerous.

[Drake1 Nightfire]

Personally, in the BD/sM communities i have visited in SL, most people involved in BD/SM in SL do not view it as Roleplay. It is a lifestyle, not a game or something to pretend.

[Awe Thor]

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Personally, in the BD/sM communities i have visited in SL, most people involved in BD/SM in SL do not view it as Roleplay. It is a lifestyle, not a game or something to pretend.

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Hmmm, even the dolcett and vore factions of the BDSM community?

[Drake1 Nightfire]

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Awe Thor wrote:

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Personally, in the BD/sM communities i have visited in SL, most people involved in BD/SM in SL do not view it as Roleplay. It is a lifestyle, not a game or something to pretend.

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Hmmm, even the dolcett and vore factions of the BDSM community?

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Those are not part of BD/SM. Try again.

[Awe Thor]

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

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Awe Thor wrote:

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Personally, in the BD/sM communities i have visited in SL, most people involved in BD/SM in SL do not view it as Roleplay. It is a lifestyle, not a game or something to pretend.

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Hmmm, even the dolcett and vore factions of the BDSM community?

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Those are not part of BD/SM. Try again.

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Oh, but they are.

The majority of the BDSM community are, naturally, embarrassed by their "extreme" faction, and would prefer that they didn't exist, but of course they fall into the BDSM category - as their practitioners happily acknowledge.

[Dresden Ceriano]

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Awe Thor wrote:

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

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Awe Thor wrote:

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Personally, in the BD/sM communities i have visited in SL, most people involved in BD/SM in SL do not view it as Roleplay. It is a lifestyle, not a game or something to pretend.

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Hmmm, even the dolcett and vore factions of the BDSM community?

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Those are not part of BD/SM. Try again.

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Oh, but they are.

The majority of the BDSM community are, naturally, embarrassed by their "extreme" faction, and would prefer that they didn't exist, but of course they fall into the BDSM category - as their practitioners happily acknowledge.

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I have to agree with you here.  I would have to assume that most people would consider the taking of a person's life, the most extreme form of discipline there is... I know I would.  So, regardless of the fact that most practitioners of bdsm would not even consider going so far, some do.  Which means that it must be considered a part of it, whether those that don't get into it like to admit it or not.

...Dres

[Awe Thor]

Maybe someone should invent a cut down version of BDSM, called BDSM Lite perhaps, where the worst thing that happens is that male subs are forced to take out the garbage on a weekly basis, while female dommes are sitting around in beauty parlours getting their nails painted, or female subs are made to clean the toilet while their male doms are sitting back in their Lay-Z-Boy swilling beer watching the ball game on TV.

Oh, that's right, that would be normality. Perhaps not such a good idea then.

[Innula Zenovka]

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

Personally, in the BD/sM communities i have visited in SL, most people involved in BD/SM in SL do not view it as Roleplay. It is a lifestyle, not a game or something to pretend.

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I dunno.  I've been involved in BDSM in SL since I started here, and I find it difficult to regard it as an elaborate form of RP, as is RL BDSM.    When someone "whips" my avatar, she or he is just clicking away with their mouse button and it doesn't hurt me one bit.   When someone "locks me in a cage" I can, if I want, free myself very easily -- it's not like having to use a safeword in RL, and hoping the other person respects that -- and if I choose not to release myself, I can read these forums, or get on with a script in LSLeditor on my PC, or even log in an alt and she can get on with some building or shopping or whatever.   If that's not Roleplay, I don't know what is.

Doesn't make the emotional side of either SL or RL BDSM any the less real, of course, but, to my mind at least, it's all RP designed to allow us to express and explore aspects of our real selves.    A subbe or slave, in RL or SL, is always free to walk out of the relationship and abandon that role in a way that -- for example -- an illegal immigrant to Europe or the USA. who discovers, on arrival, the people who smuggled her here expect her work in the sex industry for no money, isn't.   There's no getting away from that distinction, at least as far as I see it.

[Awe Thor]

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Innula Zenovka wrote:

 

Doesn't make the emotional side of either SL or RL BDSM any the less real, of course,

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Of course it does!

[Innula Zenovka]

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Awe Thor wrote:

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Innula Zenovka wrote:

 

Doesn't make the emotional side of either SL or RL BDSM any the less real, of course,

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Of course it does!

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There I disagree.   The emotional aspects of BDSM relationships (or Gor relationships) in SL may well not be identical to the emotional aspects of an RL BDSM relationship, but the emotions are, or can be, very real and important to the people concerned.  At least I have found it so.    I'm talking, of course, about long term relationships between a dom(me) and sub(be) rather than simply the kinky sex scenes.

[Awe Thor]

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Innula Zenovka wrote:

 

 the emotions are,

or can be

, very real

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And therefore, by your own argument, they can not be very real also.

We'll ignore the fact that you can ONLY speak for yourself, and simply concentrate on your own admission that emotions regarding BDSM are not necessarily real, ie, they can be very fake. Thank you for your confirmation of my viewpoint.