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Are they really out there? (part 2)


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I posted this back in 2011. 4 years later and I am curious to see if the times have changed or if people feel the same.

Bunny Boxen 7/21/2011

"I've met many people who have been in sucessful sl relationships, even going as far as meeting in rl.... But i've heard, more times than one, that the relationship has failed, the partners going different ways. I've been in my fair share of bad and terrible relationships (being so nice that i try to make a relationship i know will fail right off the back). I know what it feels like to love something/ someone that isn't yours to love, it hurts but we all survive and get over it. I created this forum not to get dates or find my "soul mate" i surpose u could call him/her... I created it to hear your stories and experienses, what was your worst sl relationships? your best? how did you feel? just VENT! let your heart out, sometimes the perfect friend is the friend you never had.. you do not have to name, names, but just tell us why he/she wasn't the one? what did she/he do wrong? was it you? etc... let your heart out. XD i can't wait to read on"

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I feel the same towards relationships, regardless of where they are formed or even how, as I always have.

Personally, I say if you can truly define "the one" without actually being in a relationship, or even while being in a relationship and still calling it "the one", odds are, you haven't yet found it. I say this because, for me, and in my opinion, "the one" is a forever changing entity, or ideal, and I find that label to be overwhelmingly offensive to a true relationship. What is perfect for today, might not be perfect for tomorrow. When I found what most would likely define as "the one", I had been burned, I had made my mistakes, I had been through hell and back, relationship wise, and I knew which roads to not travel, and which were likely a much safer gamble even if they did end in a dead end. 

My "one", is more than merely one, more than merely a person, more than a jumbled mess of every emotion under the sun that I know of, and probably some I haven't yet defined. My "one" is not one at all, and I would never define it as such, but rather two that turn into somethign amazing(naturally, never by force), but not until AFTER a relationship began. I don't believe a romantic relationship can exist, or at least last, without a friendship first, and trying to find romance before finding friendship is just stupid and self-destructive. A relationship isn't about one, nor should it ever be. It should never be defined by your desires and ideals alone, but rather the combination of both party's ideals and desires. That means your ideal "one" can't be defined by you alone, and if it is, you're not being fair to the other person. The same could be said about him/her. If you define "the one" by what you want the most, what you think you deserve, what you believe you are looking for, you're not going to find what you're looking for. Two people have to define a relationship together, in order for it to work. Of course, people should have an idea of what they think are looking for, or rather what they are NOT looking for, but defining it before you find it is an exercise in futility.

I made that mistake once....never again. This time, I let the relationship define itself. That is to say, WE let it define itself. We let it turn into what we needed, and desired, from both each other, and ourselves. We let it mature in its own good time, not forcing ideals, not forcing desires, just letting things go at what I think is a natural pace. It grew and matured, just as we did, into what we have now, which is absolutely perfect, for us. Would it be perfect for all? Probably not, and it shouldn't be assumed that what works for some, will work for many, or even any, others.

So, to answer "How do you know you have found the one?", my answer is rather simple....You don't. You don't find "the one"..."the one" finds you, it can't develop before its time, and still be real. But, if you still define a relationship as "the one", odds are, it's not, something is lacking, and somethign is wrong...otherwise there would be no need to define it in the first place, let alone label it.

Just my opinions, of course.

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I agree with you. Relationships grow with each other not just one person AND my "ideal" one definitely has changed in 4 years. Your partner and you must define the relationship together and if you aren't then it is probably going to fail because you are not taking into account their feelings as well. I agree with you so much. Thank you for sharing xD

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I think the one is most definitely out there. But, you're not going to find it in the easy way. It usually happens when you're already in a relation and are forced into extreme circumstances. So, you have to ask yourself:

Would you stay if they were addicted?

Would you stay if they were terminally ill?

Would you stay if they became permanently disabled?

Would you stay if they got ugly in old age?

Could you deal with a very fatal personality flaw?

Would you still find them mildly attractive even when they haven't showered in a while and may or may not have your childrens puke or crap on them?

Could you sit through a whole album of music you hated because it was their jam?

No to any one of this is a sign they ain't the one.

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  • 1 month later...

One of the BIGGEST problems with a SL relationship is that people cannot seperate fact from fiction, pixels from skin an RL from SL...if they could do that...SL would be much more able to support so called relationships.  In stead for the most part, it is people looking to drape anothers pixels over poseballs and get RL info and pics. 

Most of the people I meet in SL are sadly off their meds or need to be on them....not exactly relationship material.

 

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